Friday Fun with Christian men, non-Christian men and Tube drivers

Apologies for the lack of bloggage this week - I've been spending far too much time with prostitutes, in a writing about them in a report for Vicar School sense. This has left little time for much else, including being in the audience for QI on Wednesday (a fellow trainee vicar and his wife benefitted from this though, so I at least feel generous). However, it has not prevented me from finding a smorgasboard of fun for this week...

Segue-ing nicely from Vicar School are two Christian comedy things that will probably only make sense if you exist in that particular bubble. For the last week and a half I've been entertained by a Twitter account in the name of Mr Christian Mann (yes, that is a joke - however, the Mr Christian Guy that spoke at a conference I was at last week was using his baptismal name - the hilarity). Mr Mann isn't real (thankfully) but he does present the world with a unique take on church life:

I may know who's responsible for this wit, but I'm sworn to secrecy.

In a similar vein comes the Hey Christian Girl Tumblr. Attractive men telling Christian girls what they (apparently) need to hear. Genius. 

Moving away from the church and Christian men, one of my other favourite things is obviously TfL geekery. For your end of week amusement I offer you Funny Announcements by Tube Drivers. All real, and for this reason, utterly fabulous. 

"Ladies and gentlemen, we apologise for the delay, but there is a security alert at Victoria station and we are therefore stuck here for the foreseeable future, so let's take our minds off it and pass some time together. All together now.... 'Ten green bottles, hanging on a wall.....'."

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologise for the delay to your service. I know you're all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cross over to the Westbound and go in the opposite direction".

Returning to the hot men question, do you remember Dawson's Creek? Stupid question surely, of course you remember the classic teen drama of the late 90s/early 00s! Like me, you probably have all six seasons sat on a shelf - no? Just me? Oh well... Inspired by a new sitcom on E4 last night, featuring Jason Van Der Beek (aka Dawson) I headed over to his Wikipedia page to discover exactly what he'd been up to since Dawson hung up his flannel shirt and right at the bottom of the page, discovered a link to an utter gem. James Van Der Memes is basically a Tumblr consisting of gifs featuring JVDB expressing various emotions. Sounds ridiculous, but it's inspired. Witness:

'Dramatic Dawson'

'Eyebrow String Dancer'

'Na Na Boo Boo'

Adore it. Also, blatantly going to be getting those DVDs out after this. Have hope boys, Dawson was never the hottest in DC (that honour went to Pacey/Joshua Jackson), but he has aged very, very well. 

Have a fun Friday! 

Lunch with a view

Ah, God bless Twitter! On Monday, it provided me with a pleasant morning showing a Twitter buddy round Vicar School; today, it provided me with lunch at the top of the Gherkin. Last night a friend found it rather bizarre that I'd agreed to have lunch with a virtual stranger (he'd assumed it was a man) and wondered what exactly I'd do in return for a meal in an exotic location... Truth was, I got to talk about one of my favourite topics - me and life as a trainee vicar - in an extraordinary location, that wasn't a difficult offer to accept!

Unless you've lived in a hole for the last decade, you'd be aware that the building affectionately known as the Gherkin is one of London's most obvious landmarks, designed by Norman Foster (whose main mistake in his career, in my opinion, was the open spiral staircase in the LSE library that means noise travels up and down the whole building). But unless you work there, it can be difficult to glimpse the views that can be had from its heights. Thus, a lunch invitation to the top floor restaurant is not to be sniffed at!

The very top of the Gherkin's roof.

Getting into the building and up to its heights is akin to gaining entry to the Ministry of Magic - except that the entrance consists of revolving doors instead of a phone box. There's airport security and a choice of lifts which is all rather intimidating, but it's utterly worth it. There aren't many places you can go to in London where The Shard doesn't look massive, or where in one glance you can see both The Emirates stadium and the Olympic Park.

My host graciously took me round the circle - I was worried that I'd look like a dork amongst the fancy business people barely noticing the scenery - but I was reassured when two men in suits came past doing the same thing. Who knows when I'll next have a chance to go up there, so it was good to make the most of it!

This post has two messages:
(i) Don't underestimate Twitter. Very useful contacts, friends and wisdom can be acquired via its 140 characters.
(ii) Get yourself to the Gherkin, if you are able to.

And a third:
(iii) Thank-you Sara for inviting me!

Friday Fun with two of my favourite men

I've said it before and no doubt I'll say it again, but Josh Groban has to be one of my all-time favourite men. He's got a beautiful voice, a ridiculously fantastic sense of humour and a Twitter feed to die for. When he writes a tweet that begins with: "On this day, remember it well, the Internet reached it's peak." you can be virtually certain that the attached hyperlink contains a gem.

When that sentence is followed by the words "And it starred Alan Rickman." then quite frankly I couldn't click on the link fast enough. Alan Rickman is a legend - end of story. And thus, watching eight minutes of Rickman making a cup of tea in slow motion becomes a thing of utter beauty...



Quite frankly, that's almost too much fun for me on an otherwise quiet Friday, but I do appreciate that some will not be satisfied with it. So, for your fun and amusement, I present you with an educational game that incorporates technology and sex education - can you tell an android phone from a condom?  Yes, I'm serious. Recently, someone created a chart illustrating the similarities in nomenclature between the two products, so it was only really a matter of time before it became a game. Informative, educational and fun - what's not to like about that?

Growing disciples, digitally

The beginning of this week was spent in a Christian Conference frenzy at the Royal Albert Hall for HTB's annual Leadership Conference. The stats are pretty impressive, present were over 4000 people from 900+ churches and 50+ countries - the RAH was full to bursting. The Queen had even allowed the Royal Box to be used - and HTB used it to seat homeless people and ex-offenders.

Needless to say, getting a large number of Christians of a more evangelical/trendy persuasion together in one room meant that there was a great deal of technology about. When the house lights went out, the hall was lit up by small rectangles and larger rectangles - iPhones and iPads, presumably used for note taking and tweeting (or, in the case of one of my colleagues, buying Olympics tickets). Oh, and Bible reading - at the moment when the room of 4000 was asked to turn to Hebrews 11 the Bible app promptly crashed.

That wasn't the only way in which the iPads and iPhones impacted the wider world - Twitter went a bit nuts. The number of people tweeting about Tony Blair's nuggets of wisdom during his interview on Monday morning caused the former PM to enter the world top 10 of trending topics on Twitter. Twitter (and the #htbleadershipconf hashtag) also meant that those not at the conference could engage with it - albeit via the sometimes unsatisfactory and unrepresentative medium of responding to soundbite quotes. My battery was drained by mid afternoon thanks to frenetic Twitter activity...

Nicky Gumbel interviewing Tony Blair (credit)

It therefore seemed appropriate (especially given my existing interest in the subject) that one of my seminar choices was a session on 'Digital Disciples: How Social Media is Changing the Church' with Al Gordon. I wasn't entirely sure that I'd learn anything new - which isn't me being big headed, more me being aware that I've thought a lot about this area already - but I was really impressed by the way in which the session explored social media in terms of its missional value, rather than simply being a marketing tool.

Al had two sets of three points [he's two years ahead of me at the Vicar Factory and I can tell the preaching classes have made an impact...] which I thought were well worth sharing. Firstly:

• Be invitational - 'come and see' is happening electronically, so be public in your faith and invite people into it.
• Be incarnational - social media isn't meant to replace our presence in offline community, it's supposed to strengthen and transform our relationships.
• Be inspirational - live your life online for God.

Then secondly, three specific ways in which we can do this:

• Champion Connectivity - move from being a consumer to a contributor in the life of God and the church. We want to connect people with God to enable this process to take place. [An interesting question within this which I think Vicky Beeching's explored is whether churches should enable/encourage/allow the congregation to tweet during services.]
• Mobilise micro-narratives - in a post-modern world, meta-narratives are viewed with incredulity and our own stories have become more important. We have a powerful impact when we can mobilise the stories of the people in our churches. 90% of people trust a peer recommendation compared to 14% who trust advertising - how can we build on this?
• Reshape relationships - get yourself online and reconnect with people, enabling them to follow you as you follow Christ. 

It challenged me greatly and has even prompted some thoughts regarding my next sermon slot. Watch this space - St George's might be getting something a little different next month...

Bravissimo!

In this world, there are a few products and services that I will sing the praises of, without any form of reward from the companies concerned. I’m an Apple convert; a Heinz Tomato Ketchup afficionado; and an advocate of Kellogg’s Cornflakes...
...but above all else, I extol the virtues of a bra fitting and purchase from Bravissimo.

Ever since my transformative experience of their service a few years back, I’ve evangelised on their behalf to countless well-endowed friends. A fairly major victory was getting my sister through their doors last year (she is thankful for finally taking my advice), but it was a delight last week to accompany an American friend to their first Bravissimo experience.

A chance conversation about bra sizes (yes, it’s up there with periods as far as stereotypical female conversations go) revealed information that led me to believe that she was - in common with two thirds of all women - wearing the wrong bra size. Plus, she’s American, and they don’t cater well for ladies whom God has blessed in that department. (I discovered this shocking fact some time ago, I still can’t quite believe it.)

So, in cahoots with another friend, we planned a girly afternoon of shopping, of which bra fitting and purchasing would be a highlight (as would coffee, cakes, cocktails and perfume samples acquisition). During the afternoon, a realisation hit me: we give men a hard time for making stupid jokes about women’s bosoms, yet given half the chance, women can give as good as they get...

As we sat in the waiting area for our fittings, one friend - unable to make a Bravissimo purchase because she doesn’t quite make it into their size bracket - declared: “I feel like a pork pie at a Jewish wedding!”

It continued as we browsed through their catalogue. I spotted a new colour patten in my favourite style (Tango Plunge - FYI) named ‘Tutti Frutti’, to which smaller-busted friend wisecracked: “Wouldn’t it be better if the ‘u’ was an ‘i’?!” [think about it...] - oh yes, we intelligent women in our 30s can reach the same level as eleven year old boys.

We emerged with new underwear and new bra sizes - yes, American friend was in a whole new section of the alphabet (as was I, which was actually something of a shock) and generally delighted with the experience. I commented to her that this would be a life changing experience - in fact, that a weight would (quite literally) be lifted off her shoulders.

Sadly, she hasn’t managed to find this joy yet. At some point during an otherwise fabulous afternoon some idiot stole a bag containing her four new bras. Hugely gutting and a massive let-down after I’d built it up so much.

Friday Fun with Jesus, dinosaurs and Methodists

Originally, I had an eclectic mix for today's fun - until a dinner party on Wednesday descended into a feast of Biblically themed internet gem sharing. So I sat, chuckled, took notes and present you with the following...

Firstly, ever wondered if Jesus rode a dinosaur? Here's what it probably would have looked like:

Credit

Under this image on Flickr is the following genius conversation:

Dad, did dinosaurs really exist?

Sure they did, son. The Bible says so. They didn't call them "dinosaurs" back then, but instead they were known as "leviathans" or "behemoths".

But, my science teacher says dinosaurs lived millions of years ago. Is that true?

Of course not, son.

Then how old are they?

Well, let's see. The Bible tells us [from Adam and Eve's family tree] that the Universe is only a few thousand years old. So dinosaurs had to have lived within the past few thousand years. That's simple logic, son.

Oh. So that means they were on Noah's Ark?

Absolutely! The Bible says two of every animal were brought [by God] to the ark. Dinosaurs were animals. So, using your logic again son, dinosaurs had to be on the ark.

Huh. So how come scientists say they're older than that? and died way before Jesus?

Well, son, they just make that up. Dinosaur bones don't have labels on them to tell how old they are. In fact, there is no proof whatsoever that the world and its fossil layers are millions of years old. No scientist saw dinosaurs die-

Dad!

No I'm serious. Scientists only find the bones in the here and now, and because many of them are evolutionists, they try to fit the story of the dinosaurs into their view.

That's sad. But I thought scientists were smart?

Sure, but they don't know everything. So they have to make stuff up to fit their beliefs. While you and I, we have the facts, straight from the Bible.

I don't want to be a scientist!

Ha! That's ok, son. It's better to be right, than smart. C'mon, wanna learn how to flip burgers like your Dad?

Yeah!

Love it. Personally, my own epiphany regarding creationism came when Phoebe refused to believe Ross' explanation for fossils (i.e. evolution) in an episode of Friends. My father had to point out that many Christians shared Phoebe's views and I probably shouldn't refer to them as idiots quite so readily...

Secondly, something else a tad blasphemous - a brilliant depiction of Jesus telling his disciples what they did wrong. Yes, Jesus' voice is a little bit creepy, but some of the lines are classic. Listen out for:

"There's no use trying to hide. I am Jesus and I will find you."

"As for you Frank, you know what you did, but I'm Jesus and I just can't repeat it."

"I forgot your name so you're off the hook."

Thirdly, my own contribution to the discussion, which sadly we couldn't bring up on our phones at that precise moment, but I did have a fun half-hour re-exploring it for the first time in years last night. I mentioned it here about 4 years ago but I think that's long enough for a repeat plug. The Brick Testament is a pictorial representation of the Bible using Lego characters to quite impressive effect. It's worth noting from the start that were it not for the creation of Harry Potter and Star Wars Lego sets, this project would have been much harder... Warning: some of it is NSFW, but then so are certain parts of the Bible.

Finally, something a little bit more niche - a rather delightful YouTube video from Garrison Keillor. If you've not come across him before, you've missed out! Author of the Lake Woebegone books and radio personality, he's utterly delightful and hilarious. A Methodist friend tweeted a link to this video earlier in the week and I resisted the urge to retweet it so I could share it here first. Methodist friends (and my Dad especially) will love this, even though it's more about the American church than the British one. [The United Methodist Church in the states is a diverse being - its members include both George W. Bush and Hillary Clinton.]



If you didn't manage to catch the lyrics fear not - they're available here. But these were a few of my favourites:

Everyone's afraid of change. 

Don't like anything new or strange.

Or we get our underwear in a twist

That's how it is with a Methodist

We were founded by John Wesley,

Not Chuck Berry or Elvis Presley,

We're not so hip but we persist

We go on being Methodist

Perhaps the UMC has more in common with the British church than I initially realised? 

Not so disgruntled

A week ago, I shared my disgruntlement with Blogger's recent changes and shared my ambition to get a little more professional in my web presence and convert (at some point in the near future) to Wordpress. The following day I received a text from my Wordpress teacher asking: "Time for lizclutterbuck.com?" and attaching a hyperlink to a page listing the various variations on that theme that were available domain names. (Which pretty much amounted to anything - we Liz Clutterbucks are a select bunch!)

By the end of the week, lizclutterbuck.com was mine (it currently just redirects to this blog) and plans were afoot for exciting developments. I'm very lucky to be blessed with techy, webby friends who are very generous in their time and abilities, so I'm going to have a lot of assistance in the process. It's all very exciting, but leaves me with a lot of questions, that you may be able to help me with...

• What form should the site take? Do I still want the blog to be its main focus, or will it be one component of a larger entity? 
• Which of the gazillion Wordpress themes should I use? 
• Do I add other aspects of my life to it? [There's already been a request for sermons. I don't have a huge back catalogue of them currently, but it's something I could build upon.] 
• How do people like to read blogs? Do people dislike 'Read More' hyperlinks as much as I do? 
• What sites do I like and can I get inspiration for my own site from them? 
• What sites do other people like? 

Fun times. The research phase is now underway, so any suggestions would be gratefully received! In the mean time, I will sporadically burst into spontaneous geeky giggling...